That Was Fast

One season. I was hoping for a little bit more. Don't get me wrong, I can understand why he did it and wish him all the best, but it would have been nice for him to stay around at least a few seasons more. On the plus side, it takes less than 30 minutes longer to drive to see an Ole Miss game than to drive to see a Razorbacks game.

Now, for those of you that don't care about football, how about some geekery? Like, say, a rubber band gun that shoots 288 rubber bands in 7.2 seconds? I wish I had one of those when I was still in the office in Calgary.



Alternately, I wonder if the company would let me mod my truck like this (pic via Tesla Downunder):

Happy Birthday Mom!

Have a great birthday!

Things That I Learned in 2007

1.) Despite my bitching, moving to Arkansas is one of the best things that I could have done for my career.
2.) It also happens to be one of the worst things that I could have done for my social life.
3.) You can live in a dry county and still get drunk very easily on good alcohol.
4.) Sometimes making your parents cry and call you a dumbass is a good thing. Sometimes.
5.) Arkansas is a culinary wasteland.

Success!

Finally got out of Little Rock. No problems in Dallas with the exception of the airport not having free wi-fi (Fie! Fie!) Malcolm was awesome for picking me up at the airport.

Now I have to go Christmas shopping.

Kovbasa Watch 2007

And the year ends as it begins - with me sitting in an airport with a delayed flight.

Fog has delayed my flight by just long enough that I won't make my connection in Dallas unless they're delayed as well. The next flight from Dallas to Calgary doesn't leave for another 7 hours.

I hope that there's a good bar in the airport.

UPDATE #1

Flight delay has gone from 35 minutes to 55 minutes. Joy.

UPDATE #2

Flight was originally scheduled to leave at 8:55 a.m. and is now scheduled for 10:20 a.m. I've re-booked my connection. I now leave Dallas at 6:10 p.m.

Diamond Back Brewing Company makes a pretty good IPA.

UPDATE #3

Now scheduled to leave at 11:15 a.m.

I know that I shouldn't be installing certain software on this work laptop, but I'm thinking that it might have been worthwhile installing Civ IV on it for this trip.

UPDATE #4

11:35 a.m. now.

I'm beginning to wonder if I'll make that 6:10 flight...

UPDATE #5

11:55 a.m. now.

The fog's cleared a little bit. A flight for Chicago is just taking off now. I imagine that it's too much to hope that my flight gets moved up, not that it matters any more.

UPDATE #6

12:20 p.m. now.

The guy running the bar is, unsurprisingly, in a good mood. I'm kinda regretting that I didn't bring my dongle with me. I could have gotten a decent amount of work done this morning while I waited for my flight.

UPDATE #7

12:40 p.m.

Will somebody please explain to me why the 10:00 flight to Dallas gets to leave at 11:30, but my 8:55 flight keeps getting pushed back?

UPDATE #8

12:50 p.m.

The extra 10 minutes doesn't bother me. What does irk me is that the 12:15 flight to Dallas is scheduled to leave before mine.

I Just Drove Through a Disney Movie.

Driving out to location this morning, I saw a young deer standing in the ditch. I slowed down as it bounded across the road (no mujahadeer this time!) and noticed that, standing next to it was a small rabbit.

"Hmm." I mused. "Bambi and Thumper."

As I looked back at the deer, I noticed that it had a new companion on the other side of the road.

A skunk.

I kid you not.

This Isn't Right

It's raining. In December.

I'm from Calgary and used to bizarre weather, but this is freaking me out.

Wildlife

The birds are loving my back yard. It's filled with gold finches, house finches, juncos, chickadees, tons of cardinals, and the odd titmouse. It's getting expensive feeding all the greedy buggers. They can empty my feeder in about a day now. I'm wondering if it's because word's getting around in the avian world or if it's just because it's now "cold" down here. In any event it's a small price to pay for the cathartic effect of watching all the birds flitting about. I still haven't had any woodpeckers show up for my suet feeder yet, though. This surprises me since my neighbor has stated that she can't get a suet block to last overnight.

I also have armadillos. I haven't actually seen them, i've just seen the mess that they're make of my lawn while digging around for grubs overnight. I'm using deer repellent in the hopes that it drives them away - anything made with "putrescent egg white solids" (I kid you not) would drive me away. If that doesn't work, I've also had moth balls suggested to me. I really don't want to have to resort to traps (live or lethal) or shooting them.

Now, I go home and drink. Heavily. Between work and other stuff, this week can not end soon enough. Thank god I've got some chicken carcasses ready for making stock this weekend.

Oh, yeah. I also want to have Jade Raymond's children.

Figures.

I sometimes think that, if you want proof of God, then screw the banana argument. You need to look no further than the hack story that seems to be my life as of late.

Let's take the Grey Cup for example. I've already posted about my regular season woes, so I won't repeat that little bit of whining. I'll just pick up where I left off.

I actually was able to see both the western semi-final and western final. To celebrate the fact that it's been 18 years since the Riders won the cup and 10 years since they even made an appearance, I decided to splurge and bought the biggest HDTV I could fit into my entertainment center. Then I got my satellite provider to come over on friday and swap out my box so I could watch the game in HD brilliance. Great plan huh? It was all coming together.

I should have listened to Cenobyte and just flown up to watch the game with her.

The morning of "the big game" I find that I can't get the channel that is broadcasting the game in HD. In fact, I can't get a lot of the channels. It seems that my box can't pick of the signal from one of the satellites. Unfortunately, tech support told me that the soonest that they could get someone out there to fix it was the 26th. Ugh.

After about an hour of moping around and heavy drinking, I do another search of the channels, and find a Denver station that is broadcasting the game. Success! It's not HD, but it will do.

To make a long story short, I lost another satellite (and the feed associated with that station) with a couple minutes to go in the first half.

And to add insult to injury, I got that station back this morning.

Well, at least the Riders won.

Let Me Get This Straight

The Riders played 18 games this season.

I missed the first 10 because I didn't have satellite hooked up at my house. They were 8-2 at this point.

I get satellite, and manage to watch the next three games. They lose all three.

I miss the following game because I'm working out in the boonies for the weekend. The Riders win.

I manage to catch the next game. With 10 minutes left to go, Comcast stops broadcasting the game. The Riders win.

The next two games are not televised. The Riders win both.

The last game of the season is shown. I watch it. The Riders lose.

The Riders have had their best season since 1978.

They will be hosting their first playoff game since 1988.

And I was unable to watch them win once.

Nope. I'm not bitter. Not at all. Not even the tiniest bit.

Not to worry, though, fellow Rider fans. Comcast has decided to broadcast only the Eastern semi-final, so I can watch the Western one. Ergo, the Riders will win.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Success!

Most of you know that I like cooking. A lot. And the pride and joy of my cookbook collection has been my nearly complete set of Culinaria cookbooks by Konemann. I'm very happy to say that I finally managed to complete my collection over the weekend with Culinaria the Caribbean. For those not in the know, and whom actually care about this sort of stuff, the Culinaria series is only part cookbook, but also includes a lot of information about how food fits into various cultures.

In a possibly related story, I've been having reoccurring dreams over the last few nights where I'm a contestant on The Next Iron Chef, and I'm never managing to get my food done in time. It's a nice little change from those dreams where you're back in high school writing final exams for courses you never studied.

Why yes, I am a geek. Thank you for noticing.

I spent the weekend at an oilfield golf tournament. Who am I to turn down free booze, food, and golf? It does surprise me, though, that people will buy a house on the fairway of a course, not put up any sort of netting, trees, or other protection from stray balls, and then be upset when their house gets hit buy some amateur with a wicked slice.

I've also discovered that golf is a lot more entertaining when you can commit property damage. I don't feel nearly as guilty as when I hit wildlife.

Go Hogs!

Okay, so it's not exactly a Razorback, but just take a look at what was nosing around in my front yard when I went home for lunch today:



I really like all the wildlife (even if some of it isn't particularly wild) that's around my place. Personally, I think that this guy has a lot more potential for a good meal than a couple of guinea hens, but that's just me.

Green Wizard Needs Sleep Badly.

Oy. It's been a heckuva a couple of weeks. I'm currently sitting in the middle of nowhere where I've been spending most of the last two days, plus the weekend and last Friday. We do, fortunately, have satellite internet up here so I can remain somewhat entertained and busy up here between jobs. The problem lies with back to back to back 18 hour days. I'd forgotten how much they can wear a person out. If all goes well, today will be the last long day for a couple of weeks. I plan on doing a lot of sleeping tomorrow. Maybe I'll get the energy up to do some yardwork on Sunday.

Oh my exciting life. Stop the insanity. I can't keep up with the excitement.

As I mentioned, about a month back I finally broke down and got satellite television (no internet yet. I can't justify the cost for the service when I can use the connection at work five minutes away for my email and billing) so that I could watch the Riders play. They've been having a great season. Since I got my satellite, I have watched the Riders lose three times in a row. Last weekend I was too busy to actually watch the game (see above) and lo and behold - they won. This being Thanksgiving weekend in the Great White North, they are playing in the afternoon on Monday and are heavily favored to win. Of course, I'll be working down here and unable to watch the game. I've never considered myself superstitious, but I think I'm an albatross.

In any event, I actually found capon down here - which I don't recall ever seeing in Calgary - and I'm going to try roasting it up on the weekend. I wonder if it'll taste like chicken?

*ducks*
*runs*

HA!

http://wcbstv.com/business/finance_story_266174828.html

I am a petty, petty man.

Fuck GM

Some of you may be familiar with my car (a 1999 Pontiac Grand AM) and its many 'quirks'. My personal favorite is the brakes. For those not in the know, my car has a problem where it will quite often have the 'ABS' light come on and the 'Traction Control Off' light come on. This should normally only happen when conditions are extremely slippery. Instead, this happens pretty much any time the car is driven for more than 2 feet.

A fun side-effect of this is the fact that, whenever stopping, the car will release its brakes just before coming to a complete stop and roll ahead about another 10 feet before finally stopping.

I have taken the car to GM to repair this. Several times. To two separate garages. Neither garage claimed to be able to find anything wrong. The problem would disappear for about a month after coming back from the shop before rearing its ugly head again.

When I moved I decided to give the car to my parents. What they can get from selling it, they can keep. My dad, not believing in Caveat Emptor nearly as strongly as I do (or perhaps wanting to maximize the selling price of my p.o.s.), took it to a third mechanic - an independent - to get it looked at.

A 10 minute diagnosis found the problem. The bill? $1800. According to the mechanic the problem should have been obvious to anybody with a modicum of training.

To say that this disgusts me is to say that the holocaust wasn't that good an idea. I suppose that it shouldn't surprise me. As long as the car was under warranty, they weren't going to find anything wrong with it if at all possible. From what I understand, originally the problem would have been a relatively cheap fix. Now the entire brake system is going to need to be replaced. I can accept that most companies don't believe in customer service. I'd just like to see them start believing in "don't fuck over your customers". Is that too much to ask? I've still got all the receipts for the car repairs I've asked for over the years, and I know what GM will say when we confront them with it. "Oh, we're sorry you're not completely satisfied. How about $500 off of your next car purchase?". Fat fucking chance that they're ever going to have to apply that discount. I've already said that I'm never buying a GM product again (and I'll be surprised if anybody in my family ever does either), but now I'm at the "actively loathing" stage of my hatred. I would much rather brand myself with an iron than ever drive one of their overpriced disposable piles of shit ever again.

With "customer service" like this, it's no wonder that they're failing. I actually am giddy at the prospect of GM declaring bankruptcy and/or getting bought out/up. Maybe they'll merge with Ford and form a mega-corporation of suck so vast and dense that the very fabric of reality is warped. Good riddance. The next vehicle I buy will probably be a Toyota.

And as long as I'm posting. Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day.

There's a hole in my ceiling

I'm a klutz. This will probably not come as a surprise to anybody reading my blog.

About a week or so back, I finally broke down. The combination of my beloved 'Riders having their best season since before I was born, and my getting tired of only being able to watch movies on my television made me decide to get satellite service.

"Great!" Says the company. "We'll be over on the afternoon of the 11th to set it up. You have a working phone line we can plug it into?"

"Sure." Says I, not exactly recalling if there is one behind the television, but there's phone jacks all over the place so there's assuredly one in that wall.

Turns out, I don't have one, so I phoned AT&T and had them over yesterday to install a new one. I learned two things through that experience:

1.) Be careful when you're crawling through the attic that you don't step between the studs.
2.) The guy that originally wired my house is barely competent .

So, as I said, I now have a hole in the ceiling of my mud room. It could have been worse. If I'd stepped down about a foot further it would have been in my bathroom.

I guess I just can't have nice things.

Also, just to prove that not everything that lives in my back yard is poisonous, creepy, or downright disturbing, here's a pic I snapped of one guy hoofing it towards the trees.

Le Sigh

So I got back from a great trip in Calgary to find out that my electricity was, in fact, not turned off while I was away. This is good. I also discovered that my herb garden can not go for a week and a half in 100 F weather without rain or somebody watering it. This is bad. Of course it's been raining almost nonstop since I got back. Figures.

My leg's been bothering me for the last month, and I finally went to see the doctor about it. It is, as my friends and family suggested, my sciatic nerve. True to form, he suggested prescription medication immediately. Specifically Ibuprofen (in fairness, he did allow me the option of just using the off-the-shelf variety and upping the dosage) and steroids.

This is not to condemn the pharmacological world. Far from it. I believe that there are plenty of good reasons for prescribing medication. This is, however, the second time that I've gone to this doctor and had him wanting to prescribe medication for me. The first time I went in to look at my foot. When he checked my weight and blood pressure he immediately started talking about blood pressure medication. When he inquired about my sleeping habits and I told him that I wasn't sleeping well he wanted to book me into a sleep clinic/study, and when he felt my heartbeat and found a "minor irregularity" (or something like that) he wanted to book me for an MRI. I just looked at him and asked if he wasn't supposed to prescribe diet and exercise first.

In any event, the downside of this latest trip is that my BP is still too high (150/104) and he, somewhat justifiably, wants me to start taking medication. Fair enough. I'm not happy about it, but I'll do it. He also wanted me to lose more weight. This is also a fair request, and something I've been working on*. I do find it laughable that he wants me down to below 200 lb. I haven't been that light since junior high when I was actually active.

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*This is to say that I don't add salt to most of my food, avoid fast food whenever possible, and generally try to not eat as much, but don't go so far as to actually "diet".

The Best-Laid Plans of Mice and Men

It was the perfect plan. Malcolm's birthday is at the end of the month. I had him convinced that I wasn't going to be able to get back to Calgary until Christmas. His gift had been mailed. Time had, in fact, been booked off work. My plane ticked was purchased*. Siochain was keeping me informed of any party plans. I was all set to show up unannounced. And then the bugger had to ruin it by deciding to visit me the week after.

A cunning person could have lied their way out of it - stalled him for a couple of weeks so that he could make his decision after his birthday. I am not a cunning person. At the very least I'm a terrible liar. So the surprise is now ruined. Congratulations Malcolm. I hope you're happy.

In completely unrelated news, I'm going to be in Calgary from the 23rd til Sept. 2nd. Come hang out with me! I'll probably be drunk, but in case I'm not you should bring alcohol. Seriously. I need drink bad. The last few months of work have had my stress level ramping up steadily to the point where I seem to be existing in one of three states: Work, sleep, or zombie**.

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*Again I have discovered that I am completely illiterate when it comes to reading flight schedules. I thought I was landing just before noon on the 22nd. Turns out I'm landing just before midnight.

**I'm still a little squeamish about the brains, though.

Fuck Entergy*

It's 107 Fahrenheit here today, and I just went home for lunch to learn that Entergy turned off my power.

Again.

I'm sick of their crap. I got a lovely message left for me at home on the ninth stating that if I didn't call them that day to have my meter put in my name (something that they've said several times before that they had done) that they'd shut off my power. I phoned them - on the ninth - and talked to a very nice (and obviously incompetent) woman who said that the had straightened out the problem and that my power now would not be shut off.

Then I come home to this bullshit.

The lady I talked to put me on hold for a half hour, and swears that the problem is fixed for real this time. I'm sorely tempted to booby-trap my meter box some way. In any event, if this happens one more time, I think I'll engage in that wonderful American pastime of the lawsuit.
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*WARNING! This post contains somewhat stronger language than usual.